Sometimes when you're driving down the highway in your motorhome you get real hungry. And you might get an urge for a special food -- like cottage cheese, for example! Well, in California, so many motorists crave cottage cheese that the state highway department has set up special cottage cheese directional signs. You think we're kidding? Do pictures lie?
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a recently arrived camper asked. The RVer looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."
Yet when the camper approached the animal, it began snarling and growling, and then attacked his legs. After pulling away from the crazed animal, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The RVer muttered, "Ain't my dog."
The good ol' days
A couple of elderly RVers who'd recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary were sitting on the sofa in their Airstream motorhome, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He moved over and sat close to her.
"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight.
"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk toward the rear of the motorhome.
"Where are you going?" she asked. "Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."
Saved by her Winnebago
He replied, "Sally, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. Your brother named them for you."
"Oh, no!" shrieked Sally. "Not my brother! His elevator doesn't go to the top floor, if you know what I mean!" The doctor replied, "Well, Sally, your brother named your daughter Denise."
"Whew, that's not so bad," she replied, looking very relieved. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew," he said.
"That's right," said Ed, "you have a suppository in your ear."
Joe immediately pulled it out, then said, "Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know where I put my hearing aid."
Poor Mr. Maxwell. . .
He's all right now.
He jumped out of his driver side door, walked around his rig and opened the door to the coach itself. Out popped two men in trench coats
The men stood behind the motorhome and immediately opened up their coats, exposing themselves to the passing traffic. The result was one of the worst pile-ups in the road's history.
Later, when questioned by an angry highway patrolman why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the RVer replied, "I was broken down, so I just used my emergency flashers!"
A police officer near Corpus Christi, Texas, had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding cars and RVs. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, and the officer soon learned why: A 10-year old boy was standing up the road a quarter mile with a large hand-painted sign that read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another 10-year old boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign that read "TIPS." At his feet was a bucket-full of change.
Many RVers will identify with these "laws of nature"
"OLD" is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door
"OLD" is when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" is when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" is when "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" is when "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" is when "all nighter" means not getting up to potty !
There was an RVer named Art from Portland, Ore., who stumbled upon a Genie in a bottle who granted him one wish. Art said, "I want to explore the big island of Hawaii in my motorhome, but I can't afford to send it there by ship. So my wish is that you to build a road from the coast of Oregon to Hawaii." The Genie replied, "I'm sorry, but that is too difficult. The length and the depth of the ocean would make that task impossible, even for a Genie like me. So you must make another wish." Art quickly replied, "Okay, I never could understand women. I want to know 'How do they think and what do they really want?'" The Genie paused for a moment, deep in thought, and then replied, "Do you want that two lanes or four?"
The RVer's fishy story
An RVer named Stanley was stopped recently by a game warden in Northern California as he was returning to his Roadtrek motorhome with a bucket full of still-alive fish. "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" the game warden asked. The man replied, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden asked. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake where I'm camped and let them swim around for awhile. When they hear my whistle, they jump right back into the bucket and I take them back to the motorhome."
"That's a bunch of baloney," the game warden said as he reached for his pad of citations. The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "If you don't believe me, then follow me back to the lake to see how it works."
Still suspicious, but curious, the game warden agreed. And so they walked to the lake. There, the man poured the fish into the water, where they disappeared. "Okay," said the game warden. "Call them back."
"Call who back?"
"The fish," replied the warden.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping
Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson went on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep. An hour later, Holmes woke up his faithful friend.
Anyway, three such desperados pull into a roadside cafe where there's no one there except a RVer and a waitress. They decide to have some fun with the RVer, so they put on their most trucculent sneers and walk up to his table.
The first one dips his finger into the man's coffee, stirs it a bit and puts the finger in his mouth and pronounces "This is lousy coffee".
The next one picks up the RVer's soup bowl, sniffs it, spits into it and says, "This is lousy soup".
The last one picks up the RVer's hamburger, squeezes it to a pulp and announces "This is a lousy hamburger".
The RVer quietly gets up, politely pays his bill and walks out. The lead desperado turns to the waitress and says "That guy ain't much of a man, is he?"
The waitress pauses and deadpans "He ain't much of a driver either ... he just backed over three motorcycles on his way out of here."
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorhome. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."